Needing Sleep and Jumping Fences

Many days I'm tired. Few minutes are spent doing something for myself. And let's get real... we are celebrating if I brush my teeth before 2:30 in the afternoon. But guess what? It's ugly yet beautiful. I'm exhausted yet ecstatic. It can be frustrating, yet I'm the happiest I have ever been. I spend my days charting the date and time of feedings and diapers while potty training a headstrong two year old. I can cry at a drop of a hat (my poor husband) or laugh hysterically a few minutes later. The house is a mess... like a super mess... like I found a used diaper in my dirty laundry hamper today (which also shows you how tired I am) and dried apple sauce in the carpet. But what a BEAUTIFUL mess things are right now. I am blessed by this mess (Isn't there a red neck prayer that sounds something like that?)! Don't get me wrong, many days I am not singing the praises of this chaotic life BUT I should.

This summer I read a book by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson called Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe. Sarah Mae is a young mother who gives an honest account of her daily frustrations, exhaustion, and questions about this thing called "Motherhood". Many books, blogs, and expert advice can leave a momma wondering what's wrong with her, but this book is different. It's honest and it makes you feel "normal". One of my favorite parts of the book is shared in the beginning of the introduction. It reads:

"Anxiety struck me immediately. It was too early to be up but "too early" didn't matter to my sweet little boy who was ready for the day the minute the sun shone through his bedroom window. My daughter Caroline needed milk and  a new diaper, and all three of my little ones were, of course, hungry. After forcing myself to sit up, I stared at the wall, then fell back down into my bed. I pulled my knees to my chest and the blanket over my head as tears came down and these words tumbled out to my God: "I can't be a mother today, Lord, I'm just too tired."

... and then she went back to sleep and left her children to fend for themselves. Ha! Not really.

But Can I get an Amen!? I was sold on this book after reading this line. This reminds me of just a few nights ago. I was up at 2:30 AM all by my lonesome. While I have gotten used to waking up for the 2:30 feeding, I always fear that Molli will want to stay up to party after having a few swigs of her bottle... and on this night she did just that. I remember saying in my head (and possibly out loud... I really don't know what's coming out of my mouth these days) "Molli Grace, I will give you $5 if you go to sleep baby girl." And then I chuckled and realized I'm losing it. I know all you mommas out there have had these moments. Those moments of  "what the heck Lord?" and "Really?". And for all you new mommas out there that don't know this yet... These thoughts are completely normal and you're not alone.

It takes 27 attempts to get one decent photo these days, but boy do we have fun trying to get that one! Dysfunctional fun... Like "stop choking mommy" (as she is pulling on my necklace) kind of fun, or "Oh my word, she has a string of snot coming out of her nose" kind of fun, or "Paysli Faith Matthews if you don't smile at the camera, no ice cream" kind of fun. Love my Friday nights these days!

Here's another recent happening in the Matthews' household that might just make you feel pretty good about your child rearing skills compared to what goes on here some days. It was a normal morning that started with my toddler waking up. I was already up with Molli because honestly I am just always awake with her, and it was time to let my two rambunctious dogs outside in the backyard. My morning was going smoothly... so smoothly I might have thought a few times "I've got this! I can care for a 2 week old and a 2 year old. Some women have a bazillion kids. I can do two." Just about that time I hear my dogs going completely bazurko. I quickly ran to the back door with my 2 week old nugget in my arms, in efforts to calm my pups before the neighbors called animal control. My toddler, in normal fashion, followed my every step to the back door. I took a few steps onto my back patio to find the cutest, sweetest, fluffiest little puppy I have ever seen. This little guy had just about the sweetest personality too. He put Bambi to shame. I quickly shooed my dogs and my two year old in the house, and then walked further outside to figure out how this little thing crawled into our backyard. I had no luck figuring out how this cutie got into our backyard, but I figured I would go back in the house to grab some water and food for the little guy (It was the end of August by the way, which means it was HOT!). I walked to my back door to find my little girl and my two dogs looking out the back window watching all the action going on. I went to go open the door... AND IT WAS LOCKED! No, my door wasn't stuck and just in need of a little WD-40... It was LOCKED! I had a 2 week old sleeping in my arms and a 2 year old on the other side of that locked door. Also on the other side of that locked door was my phone and any form of communication with the outside world. I quickly ran to my back gate, in which I quickly remembered Tim and I just bought a lock for. This lock has a code to unlock it... a code in which I could not remember for the life of me. So now I was locked out of my house, locked in my backyard, holding my 2 week old, can't get to my 2 year old, in the summer heat. oy vey!

I now had 2 options: jump the fence (I just had a C-section 2 weeks ago) or break a back window (and completely freak my 2 year old out). Well those options flippin stunk! In effort to keep my 2 year old calm, I went with the latter. But can a momma jump a fence while holding a newborn in their arms while not ripping their C-section incision open? Ummm I'm going to go with a big fat NO! Sorry Molli Grace, I'm going to have to desert you for a bit. Here, have a seat on this outdoor patio furniture while mommy hurdles over this 8 foot wall of wood. And y'all, I did! And don't tell my doctor because I'm pretty sure I broke his golden rule of "no strenuous physical activity for 6 to 8 weeks".

Once over the fence, my panic increased ten fold because now I am locked away from my newborn and my toddler. Every window and door of my house was locked. My next options were to either scream until someone heard me or find a phone. To make a long story short (this story is still long), I used a neighbor's phone and my sister brought over a spare key. My toddler was enjoying her morning episodes of Bubble Guppies, and my 2 week old was sleeping soundly on the back patio (The Martha Stewart Patio collection cushions are apparently super comfy and soft). So if you think you are struggling... I dare you to beat that! Ha!

So now that I have proven to you that I have it together and you should listen to my advice (sarcasm), here are some things I recommend for you mommas out there, particularly those that are tired (oh yea, that's all of you), and those that have no time for themselves (oh, all of you again?), and those of you who love your precious babies but have "those" days every so often (no way, all of you again?):

1. Get some help and words of wisdom from a friend/mentor. Particularly from a friend/mentor that has been there and done that. And one that will tell you the truth while staying positive and cheering you on. 

Titus 2:3-5
3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

My mom and sister have been a huge blessing to me during this time. They have been my biggest cheerleaders and given me practical advice. They have also given me the "suck it up" and "pull up your big girl panties" speech just when I needed it. They have prayed for me, watched my babes for me, and even just sat with me so I could remember what it's like to have an adult conversation. And if you know a momma out their that is needing a little encouragement or just a warm body to talk to, go help her out! You will bless her in so many ways just by showing up.

2. Find ways to get help caring for your family and the home. A few days before I had Paysli, Tim was asked by a friend what my "push present" was going to be. Tim quickly told his friend that technically I wouldn't be "pushing" since I was having a C-section... not cool Tim. Not cool at all. Tim later surprised me by having someone come clean the house while I was in the hospital. We now have someone come clean the house every 6 to 8 weeks and oh lawd how great it is! I would give up a lot of "extras" (the occasional Starbucks, random spending at Target, etc.) to have extra help keeping our house somewhat straightened up. I get back a little piece of my sanity each time our house is cleaned. Don't get me wrong, the clean house thing lasts a total of 2.3 seconds, but I savor every single bit of those seconds!

I have had a few nights where Tim or my mom will just tend to the kiddos while I "catch up". And what I mean by "catch up" is get the laundry from the washer into the dryer before the clothes start smelling like mildew. Once again if you know a momma, more than likely she could use just a few minutes of you entertaining the kiddos so she can get caught up.

3. Run to Jesus! Because we are filthy, messed up, sinful creatures who need us some Jesus. Surround yourself with Him. I am currently reading Jesus Calling by Sarah Young daily (or trying to) and following up in His Word. I am constantly blaring my Anthony Evans, Hillsong United, Bethany Dillon, Kari Jobe, and Shane & Shane... because honestly who can lose it on their toddler when they choose to wet their britches vs using the potty when Kari Jobe is playing in the background? If you can't get to a church service, I suggest finding a podcast or YouTubing sermons from your favorite pastor or your local church (I am loving Andy Stanley currently).

I can't tell you how many times I think about this scripture. Such a weight is lifted when  I remind myself I can come to Him when I am exhausted and have nothing left:

Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

4. Get out of the house. And if you can get out of the house for a few minutes a week while someone watches your babes, even better. On Mondays I feel great and then by Thursday or Friday the walls are caving in. The theme songs of Bubble Guppies, Dora, Sesame Street, and now Paw Patrol (new show on Nickelodeon) are playing on repeat in my head all day long. I am living in poo and spit up, and I just need to get out! I know that I am a better momma, wife, and friend after getting out for a few hours here or there. I remember thinking it was hard to get out because honestly I didn't have the money to get out and just do anything I wanted (especially since we had someone coming to clean our house now). I then started training for 5k races and later a half marathon because running is FREE! And I was multitasking; exercising to lose the baby weight while being reminded what outside looked like and regaining my sanity.

5. Laugh at yourself. When you put your kid's shoes on the wrong feet... laugh. When you burn the toast, which was the only gourmet meal you had time to cook for the day... laugh. When your kiddos completely lose it in that public place that you braved and ventured out to ... laugh. And know that those women staring at you when your trying to scrape your toddler up off the ground, are staring at you because they've been there. They are not judging you nor rating your behavior management skills. They are simply thinking "girl, it will get easier!"

6. No formulas. Some of the best advice I received was about this particular topic. A mom of 3 told me to put away all the baby books and blogs. While I think its great to get some foundational information on how to care for our babies, I think one can go way too far in trying to live up to some of the unrealistic advice and formulas out there. For example, I fell for the "Potty Train Your 18 Month Old in 2 Days" formula. And folks, it was a complete disaster. I was frustrated with Paysli. She was frustrated with me (and probably wondering why mommy is making me walk around the house with her booty hanging out). I went to bed frustrated with myself and my sweet Paysli. If the experts say I should be able to do it, then why isn't it working? What is wrong with Paysli? What is wrong with me?  Those few days of trying to live up to a plan or formula were not healthy for me nor Paysli. A mom of 2 elementary aged kiddos I spoke to during that time of frustration reminded me that "kids don't show up to Kindergarten in pull ups." I needed to chill out and do ultimately what was best for my family vs what I read by an "expert". And does anyone else read some of these "expert" tips and advice and think, "have they ever lived with a toddler before?", "Do they know what it's like to be exhausted and have a few babies living under one roof?", "Who are these people and what planet do they come from?". But in all seriousness, don't try to live up to unrealistic expectations and formulas. We all learn quickly after our babies are born that many things come naturally when it comes to learning how to care for and raise our kiddos.

7. Brush your teeth. Yes, I said it. Brush your teeth... maybe even shower. Because if you stink your mood probably reeks too. Every momma needs those moments of feeling good about themselves. So put those skinny jeans on and get it girl!

What is your advice and words of encouragement to young moms out there? Have any tricks up your sleeve you'd love to share. Well share in the "Comments" because we mommas will more than likely  have a day we are willing to try any trick/advice given to us.

Molli Grace is here!

That's right! Miss Molli is here. Well, she's been here for over a month. I'm just a little late getting to my computer to update everyone. But can you blame me? I now have a newborn, a two year old, and a husband who's a football coach starting up the football season (Which means... What husband? Who's Tim?). But back to Miss Molli and her birth story...

Here is Paysli's "Big Sis" outfit.
My momma made the pants!
So talented!

I was scheduled for my repeat C-Section on August 15th. Tim, Paysli, and I had been enjoying an amazing summer together just having a blast and some days just letting ourselves just be bored because those days are few and far between these days. With Paysli, I had to have a C-section because she was large... I guess I should say that her head was large (like 99th percentile large). Honestly, all you momma's out there know that the head is the measurement we are ultimately most interested in when thinking about labor. Paysli wouldn't drop and my body became frustrated with that little nugget that was taking over my body . I think Paysli would still be hanging out in utero if my doctor wouldn't have gone to get her. So most of my family and friends expected the same from Molli. I on the other hand, I felt differently about Molli. Tim and I were a bit surprised during all of the sonograms that showed Molli's measurements were in the 50th percentiles throughout my pregnancy. I knew this little girl was going to be different from her sister. My third trimester hit and I consistently started feeling Braxton Hicks contractions, which I never had with Paysli. I also could tell that Molli had "dropped". With Paysli I swelled up like a blowfish and with Molli the swelling wasn't bad even in the Texas summer heat.

Around 37 weeks my Braxton Hicks contractions began to intensify, and I began to think that Miss Molli wanted to be different from her big sister. I continually told Tim that I thought Molli was going to come early, and I'm pretty sure he just brushed off this assumption due to our first experience with having a baby. I soon had some major nesting going on, which honestly I thought was just an old wives tale (It's real people!).

How do you entertain a 23 month old, a 2 year old,
 and a 3 year old at a hospital? Doctor's gloves!

And then August 12th came and Molli had plans of her own. I went and had lunch with a few friends from work (We went to Chipotle if there are any pregger ladies wondering what food might have put me into labor.) and then returned home to lounge on the couch like I had done so many of those August days... I'm pretty sure there is an imprint of my pregnant body in our couch if you look real close. I came in to check on Paysli and Tim, and while walking to go see Paysli in our playroom I felt something. It felt like I hadn't put the top of my Chipotle drink on all the way, and it spilled  on my shorts... But I had already drank every last bit of my drink. Or, in Tim's words of explaining what it felt like, "It was like I peed myself." (Classy right?) No Kati, you didn't spill your drink nor did you "pee yourself", but your water is breaking. I quickly told Tim what had happend, called my doctor, and anxiously waited for him to call me back. I had no idea what to do, especially since I never went into labor with Paysli. She was all planned out and my type A personality was okay with that. My doctor called back a few minutes later and said "We are going to have this baby today." Um what? But doctor, this really messes up the itinerary I put together for August 15th. I freaked and Tim... well he laughed . I remember looking over at him in my frozen state of panic and him giddily smiling and saying "This is exciting!". I ignored my big kid of a husband and began throwing anything that  looked like it was maternity-ish, labor-ish, or baby-ish in our SUV. And then we looked at our nearly 2 year old daughter and threw her in the car too. In efforts to keep this post from becoming a long chapter book, all to say... God blessed us with Molli Grace's healthy birth that Monday evening.

This picture sums up who was and wasn't excited about the
birth of Molli Grace. (From left to right: Paysli, Luke, Kynli, Wendi)

My momma and Molli. How cute is my
 mom in turquoise and yellow? Way to go mom!

Molli weighed 7 pounds 8 ounces and was 19 1/2 inches long. She is a beautiful little baby, and I am once again amazed by God's miraculous creation of life.  I see a little baby, but I also see the work of our Lord and Savior. Thank you Lord for allowing us to care for your child that we are blessed to call ours. Thank you for breathing life into her. Thank you for surrounding us during our times of fear and anxiety throughout all our pregnancies. You have taught us to trust in You throughout this season of growing our family. And we have learned that through loss and sorrow or birth and celebration that You are a Sovereign God. You are sufficient and all we need. You are going to do big things in the lives of Paysli and Molli and thank you for allowing Tim and I along for the ride.

Paysli's first time meeting her little sister. So blessed!

Molli Grace, your mommy and daddy love you more than any words that I could ever type. It's our prayer that you first and foremost love and believe that Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior. Our second prayer is that you stay out of trouble and take it easy on us during those teenage years. Ha! But really, we love you sweet girl. We love you now when you're a precious baby and we will love you until the day you lay us to rest. Just like God's love, we love you unconditionally. There is nothing you can do or say that will ever change or erase the love we have for you. We love you baby girl!!

Developmental Milestones, Temper Tantrums, and Honey Boo Boo

And we're back... 5 months later from the latest blog. Hey, at least it wasn't 9 months like the previous time span I went without blogging. I have really been impressed lately with some mommies who blog like every other day... literally. Wowzers, there are some super mommas out there!

Okay, so where to begin in catching everyone up? Well, Paysli is now almost 23 months. She is still just about the most amazing thing I get to lay my eyes on every precious day God blesses Tim and I with.

Here is "trouble" with her daddy "Mr.  Trouble". What a pair!

Don't get me wrong, she has had her moments of being "that kid" in the middle of Target or during our brave trips to a restaurant. We even realized she reached a gross motor milestone during one of those tantrums that every parent fears.

Give me a moment to explain... I am a avid subscriber to the website Babycenter, which sends this momma updates every week on developmental milestones I get to worry myself over if Paysli hasn't quite reached yet. A few weeks ago I received an email saying we should expect Paysli to start jumping where both feet come off the floor at the same time (versus the awkward gallop most kiddos start out with for "jump"). I wasn't quite sure if Paysli had reached this milestone yet, but by golly I would be looking for my child to stick a gold medal jump with two feet coming off the ground at one time. This is where I stop and think how God has such an amazing sense of humor... which makes me love Him that much more.
This same day, Tim and I had to get our family of 3 out of the house.  So we decided to take Paysli to a local public library. While at the library Tim wanted to get a library card (my husband has turned into a book worm this Summer). Our family of 3 walked up to the desk to get one and we could see "the look" in Paysli's eyes. You know... that look of you better entertain me in 3.2 seconds before I embarrass you in this very quiet and public place. Tim quickly looked down at anything in his hands, which at that time was his wallet that he just got his driver's license out of, and handed it over to Paysli.
You see this is a perfect example of how men only think about the present, whereas my thought the whole time I watched my well-meaning husband pass over his wallet full of the most valuable documents/cards/etc. over to our 22 month old was "Wow, I am the one that is going to have to get into a wrestling match with my daughter when she begins passing out cash, credit cards, and every other important documents in your wallet to complete strangers! Really?"
Paysli was immediately satisfied with daddy's wallet. I slowly started backing away from the front desk with Paysli as she quickly went for each plastic card she could possibly get her hands on. And then I just went for it. I snatched it, hid it behind my 8 month preggers body, and tried being stern but pleading at the same time that she not lose it on me. Well, my daughter has officially met the developmental milestone of jumping with two feet coming off the ground... and she is actually really good at it. Especially when she is extremely angry and in silent public places such as a library. She pitched an all out fit and in a sick way I just had to stop and think "wow, baby girl you have got that milestone down!". To make this tantrum even more messed up, in the background of Paysli jumping up and down screaming, I see my husband, who is still up at the front desk, turn around and... wait for it, wait for it.... he began laughing at the mess that was happening 25 feet away from him which was in actuality all his fault. I felt my pregnancy hormones surge from my toes to the top of my head. He eventually got his library card (I hope it was worth it!) and came over, grabbed our roaring lion of a child, and walked out the front doors as I waddled behind him.

I think we have to this day laughed about this "family outing" every time we get in the car to try a new adventure. We have definitely learned that in a sick way our favorite memories of our growing family thus far are those that are ugly, dirty, embarrassing, but humble us in the moment and slowly bring us to laughter.

Here is Paysli and her cousin Luke at a 4th of July Celebration. She loves "Guke"!

Here is Paysli stretching at gymnastics

But in all seriousness, Paysli is awesome. No really she is! This summer she has learned to spell her name out loud, count to 12 or 13 (skipping a few numbers here and there but we'll take it), singing to toddler songs (and Darius Rucker's "Wagon Wheel"), dancing to any and every song she hears, and starting gymnastics in the last few weeks. I love her personality. Her eyes are filled with joy daily. She is very much independent, so much so when people try to run to her side to help her when she falls she tells them "I okay!". She isn't a clinger, but needs her mommy and daddy just enough to let us know we are her security. She is adventurous and has little fear but needs someone to laugh at her jokes and to talk to sometimes.

Is it possible to look up to a toddler? I probably shouldn't ask that out loud... what does that say about me? Ha! But, I truly love how she wakes up excited about the day, is passionate about her beliefs (a little too much sometimes), and looks to us for her every need. What naturally comes to her, I pray for on a daily basis; to not ever fear the day ahead but look to my Father for my every physical, emotional, and spiritual need. I pray for that child like faith in Christ and to not be moderate in sharing the word of God but to instead kick and scream (and even jump with two feet off the ground) until every child of God hears His Word and dies to himself to take up His cross.

Here is a glimpse of Paysli's "Big Girl Room".  She loves sleeping in her "Big Girl Bed"!

In other updates within the Matthews' Household, Tim graduated with his master's in educational administration in May. I cannot put into words how proud I am of him! It has been so amazing and such a blessing to watch this man from the time he was 16 to now turn into the husband, father, leader, and provider he is today. I could go on and on about Tim but that's for another blog later down the road.

So ready to meet my Molli Grace!

I am now 9 months pregnant and just have 3 more weeks to go before we are scheduled to meet Molli Grace! I think this is the part that I am supposed to tell you how much I have cherished pregnancy and everything it brings, how I feel beautiful in this growing body, and I have embraced every day of it. Well, I'm just not that girl... at least not at 9 months pregnant (Maybe I should have written about this during my 2nd trimester). The best way I can describe it is I feel like I look like Honey Boo Boo. I miss seeing my toes. I miss my regular non maternity clothes. I want to put on my running shoes and run like Forest did. I want to be able to eat tex-mex without feeling like my esophagus is on fire from heart burn. And most of all I want to hold this precious baby that I have been blessed to carry all these months. I want to know the similarities and differences between her and Paysli. I want to see Paysli's reaction to Molli, and I am ready to go at this new chapter at being a family of 4. Wow, that felt good to vent a bit!


I do want to take a minute to thank all of you that have prayed for Tim and I consistently and diligently over the last few weeks, months, or years in creating our family. We have felt everyone's prayers and will never be able to thank every person that has taken a little bit of their time to pray for us. Both Paysli and Molli were prayed for before they were ever created in my womb by hundreds and what an amazing gift and blessing that is and will always be to them. Continued prayers are appreciated over these next few weeks with Molli's delivery and next few months of us transitioning to a family of four.

Love you all more than you will ever know!

-Kati-

Changes!

So, it's 9 months later and we have another blog post. Have I mentioned how bad I am about keeping up with our blog? It has been 9 months, but oh how so much has changed.

First of course, Miss Paysli has grown and developed so much in the past 9 months. I always heard people talk about, how fast your children grow up... but oh my! Paysli is talking like crazy, running everywhere, learning her colors, numbers, letters, and hopefully starting to potty train here in the next few months!

Another new change in the Matthews' family life... I am pregnant with #2!!! That's right people, we have wasted no time, and we will be a family of 4 mid August 2013. And I thought I never had time to update our blog now.... ha! Just wait! 

In all seriousness, many of you have always been interested in my pregnancies (I have officially been pregnant 4 times now), due to my history of miscarriages, fertility doctors, etc. So, here is how everything worked out for baby #2. This past summer (summer of 2012) Tim and I started getting the itch to expand our family. We also thought we were slightly crazy for the timing of this "itch" considering we had gone through over 2 grueling years of trying to have a successful pregnancy. In the back of my mind I would think "Kati, you should feel blessed with one amazing child! How in the world are you thinking about #2?". Regardless of what I was thinking, Tim and I prayed for God's timing and His Word to guide us through this process. I went back to my fertility doctor just to begin the preliminary stages of identifying if I could have a healthy pregnancy. I was afraid that having to have a C-section with Paysli would effect my latest ability to get pregnant. I went through several tests that look at my hormone levels, and those looked great. Next was a battery of specialized sonograms and x-ray scans. I dreaded these the most due to the previous fibroid that was found before I had Paysli, which led to surgeries that found some endometriosis. I learned that My God is a healing God that day as the doctors told me that structurally everything looked better and healthier than it did 3 years ago... even with having a C-section!

By August all preliminary test were complete, and in November I found out I was pregnant. As happy as I was that I was pregnant, the feelings of uncertainty and memories of my previous miscarriages engulfed my every thought. I just needed to get to that 12 week mark so I could breathe again! Around 7 weeks I began getting extremely sick. It was so weird to hate how sick I was but be so excited by it at the same time. My illness continually reminded me that I was going through a successful pregnancy. 12 weeks came with a great sonogram of a healthy baby! I couldn't believe I successfully got pregnant with no miscarriages on the first try! What a blessing!

So, I am now 5 months pregnant (half way there) and we are having a GIRL! I asked Tim if he eventually wants to try for a boy and his response was... "That's how you end up having 3 girls!". Tim LOVES having a girl now, and oh how he is so amazing with her! I have always loved the way Tim looks at me with so much love, but there is nothing like seeing the look he gets in his eyes when looking at Paysli. He truly loves her with every ounce of his being! And how I love to see my tough, athletic, macho husband be so gentle and sensitive with his little girl! I can't wait to see the same thing with his arms wrapped around two little girls! Tim has started saying "his girls" when referring to Paysli and Molli, and it warms my heart every time!

At this rate, the next time I post a blog I may have Molli in my arms... and I'm okay with that! Before I am off to the world of diapers, dishes, and a full-time job I want to leave you with some verses that have blessed Tim and I in the last several months. Love you all! God Bless!

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2

"Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always." Psalm 105:4

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

"Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account." Ecclesiastes 3:15

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

Guess who's 1!

Well, I would like to start off by informing everybody that I have won the Mother of the Year Award. How?, you might wonder... by waiting till my child is 14 months till I blog about her one year birthday. Wow, Kati... great job! :) That's right people, while most first time momma's are bombarding your Facebook with pictures of balloons, smash cakes, and presents, this momma has dropped the ball. Hey, but better late than never right?





Our little girl is growing up fast and we were blessed to celebrate her one year birthday with some pretty amazing people! My mom and dad were gracious enough to host a small get together for close family and friends. As far as a theme for the party, Paysli was not blessed with a momma who is creative nor very into themes. I am that girl who loves her some Pinterest, but never attempts to make the "inspirational" items she tags to her boards. Maybe one day Paysli! Instead, I found different items with a variety of colors and patterns. I figure Paysli will start choosing her "themes" in the next few years so why not take it easy for now.

We had such an amazing day. We were reminded how special our little girl is and just how many people love her! We were overwhelmed with memories, like the night we went to the Saturday Night worship service at Prestonwood's Plano Campus. We were super excited to see our sweet friends Morgan Smith (now Morgan McMullen) and Matt and Courtney McCollum there. Then during a short time in the middle of worship, Associate Pastor Jarrett Stephens asked those who were in need of prayer to stand. Tim and I stood as we knew we were 10 weeks pregnant with our precious Paysli Faith, but terrified due to the second miscarriage we had gone through a few months before at 10 weeks. Several people gathered around us, some we new and some we didn't, and prayed over us. It was great to have Morgan, Matt, and Courtney with us to celebrate one year of having Paysli on this earth with us!

Paysli also had so much fun with Uncle Craig, Aunt Wendi, Uncle Jared, and her cousins Luke and Kynli! Luke helped Paysli open her gifts and Kynli helped Paysli eat her smash cake.

And then it was nap time! :) Bahahaha!

 Everybody told Tim and me how our lives would never be the same after having a child. While we listened, we had no idea how right they were! It is one of the hardest things we have ever done, but oh my goodness, we wouldn't change one thing!














Paysli,

You are such a precious gift from our Lord. You taught your mommy to have faith and trust in Christ when she wanted to be in control. You taught mommy to have patience, during pregnancy and since you have walked on this Earth. You make your daddy's eyes light up like I have never seen anyone do before. He is so proud of you and loves you more than his own life. We do not make one decision without thinking about how it will effect you. We pray that your heart will be after Christ like ours are. We dream of the days that you will proclaim Jesus as your Lord and Savior. We can't wait to walk beside you through this temporary life on Earth as you share the Gospel with others. We pray the same prayer for you that Daddy and I once had prayed over us on our wedding day. "Father, grant her enough tears to keep her tender, enough hurts to keep her humble, and enough failure to keep her hands tightly clinched in Yours. Yet please oh God enough success to reassure her that You are her God and You walk faithfully with her." We love you Paysli Faith!

 Love, 
Mommy

First day home from the hospital

One year later

9 Months!

Well, Paysli Faith is now 9 and a half months old. Seriously, where does the time go? Pretty soon she'll be off to Kindergarten, getting her driver's permit, dating, graduating, off to college, married, and so on... : ) I really have been a bit of a wreck these last few weeks as I have started to think about planning her 1 year old birthday! Poor Tim has listened to me sulk about my baby growing up as he gently reminds me that her age is still given in months, she only has two teeth, and is in diapers.  But before I whine anymore about my sweet baby growing up, let me catch you up from my last post when Paysli was 5 months.
Unfortunately the ear infections continued for poor Paysli over the last several months. We knew when we could no longer remember what number ear infection we were on it was time for tubes. Thankfully, we were blessed with an amazing ENT and everything went smoothly (other than me just about losing it when they took her from me to bring her back to the surgery room!). Paysli had also struggled with clogged tear ducts from the time she was weeks old, which I am told babies typically grow out of around 6 months... but Paysli was not so lucky. Tear ducts procedures were also done at the same time that the tubes were put in. The ENT informed us that Paysli did have a large amount of fluid behind her ears which was also extremely thick (yummy, right?) and as far as her tear ducts, it was confirmed that Paysli's ducts were unable to drain correctly prior to the procedure. Ever since the procedures, we have thankfully stayed away from doctor visits and constant medications.

At the doctor. The day we lost count of how many  ear infections Paysli has had.

Waiting for surgery with Daddy. Mommy was a mess. So sad!

After tubes! I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!

The last update on all things developmentally related, Paysli was rolling over. Well this little girl quickly mastered crawling and pulling up on anything and everything. She is everywhere! The days of her laying in swing or bouncer as we "ewww" and "awww" over her are long gone. The majority of our days are now spent sitting/crawling in the floor as Paysli crawls over, under, on top, and into anything and everything she can get to. She is pulling up on everything as well, which seems to bring along all the bumps and bruises that is so sad/scary to see such a young baby endure (yes, we have baby-proofed everything but somehow a 9 month old moves faster than her mommy/daddy can get to her). As far as speech, Paysli really seemed to "find her voice" after the tubes were put in. I think she enjoys hearing herself  (I think she gets that from somebody... but not saying names) and believes that everything she says is extremely important... so much so that everyone needs to hear what she has to say (Once again, I think she gets that from somebody... but still not saying names). We truly laugh at her all day as she pretends to read a book, gripes us out in her baby talk, and does adult-like turn taking in her "conversations" with us. This really is such a fun age to watch our little girl. We are learning a lot about her personality. She is a people watcher/analyzer like her momma and a goofball like her daddy. If music is on, she is dancing/clapping and if someone is giving a speech, prayer, etc. Paysli has something to add to it! Tim's brother recently got married and we quickly found out Paysli enjoys jumping in on prayers. We have also been a part of sweet speeches being given by friends/family as wedding/rehearsals/showers season is among us, and if Paysli is around she also seems to want to give a speech. We are fully aware that the party poopers are probably not a fan of our child, but those that enjoy a good laugh are. Paysli has also started doing her "mad face" (which I have no idea where she got it... we are all smiles at the Matthews residence :) ). We have laughed at this face for a few weeks now, but it wasn't so funny a few days ago during one of our Target outings where anyone who made eye contact with my child endured the wrath of the "mad face". Once again, Tim and I had one of those moments where we decided to laugh hysterically instead of freaking out about what these poor strangers would think about our child who looked slightly possessed.

Paysli had her first Easter which was a fun filled day with family! We are so excited about Paysli hearing about Jesus, his death, and ressurection as she gets older. I can't wait for her to hear what her God has done for her!








Next, I had an amazing first Mother's Day,  which Paysli was dedicated that morning at our church (Prestonwood Baptist Church- North Campus... come try it out if you haven't. It's where all the cool kids are : ) ). It was a day full of a variety of emotions. Celebration of being a mommy to Paysli but also remembering the few Mother's Days before where I had reached some of my lowest lows due to my previous miscarriages. Tim and I ended the day with celebrating all the sweet babies that have blessed me with the title of "Mother" regardless of if those precious babies are here on this earth with us or are waiting with our Maker for Mommy and Daddy.


Tim also celebrated his first Father's day and what a day it was! When we woke up, I whispered to Tim "Happy Father's Day!" and he replied "I still can't believe we're parents!". Which I have to agree. I still feel like we are the goofy 16 year olds we were when we first started dating... but now we're sooooo mature :).

School's out for Summer! That's right people, summer break is here and oh how I LOVE it! I am loving my time with Paysli and Tim. With Tim being a coach and teacher he too is off. We are truly being spoiled with our time with Paysli! I soooooo dreamed of being "bored" many times the last weeks of school, and while "bored" is non-existant when you become a mommy, I am loving being very close to it! And if you need proof... I am actually reading a book! Yea, you heard me... I am reading a book... one with chapters, no pictures, and with what I think is pretty big words in it. My sister passed along "The Ministry of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson to me, and I must say I like this whole "reading for enjoyment" thing.  All joking aside, this book has really opened my eyes as far as reaching the heart of my current and future children by looking into Christ's example. I am a few chapters in and my thinking on "parenting" has really evolved. I would definitely reccommend this book to mothers and even fathers. In closing, the following is a prayer in the book that I LOVE and read/pray often since reading it:

A Mother's Prayer

"Most Gracious Lord,
Help us remember, in all the moments of our days, that taking time to cultivate a close relationship with our children is what will open their hearts for you. Give us strength and grace to listen to their dreams, to comfort them in their sorrows, and to mke ourselves available for their needs. Help us remember that they want our attention more than our service. Thank you that you made yourself available to people and that you always make time for each of us.
                                                                   Amen"

Paysli's Almost 5 Months!

Wow! The last time I posted Paysli was 3 weeks. It's extremely comical to think back to when she was 3 weeks old and our "parenting skills". Thankfully we are all still living and breathing, all limbs are still in place, and our sanity is still somewhere near the range of normality. :)  Tim and I LOVE being a "mommy" and "daddy". It is by far one of the hardest things we have ever done/adjusted to but at the same time we wake up each morning excited about what is to come. But enough about us, and let's talk about the cutest, sweetest, and sometimes the smelliest person in our family... PAYSLI!!! Paysli turns 5 months next week and while it feels like we have always had her, I can't believe how fast she has grown up. Her days are full of smiling, giggling, and telling us about her day in her "Paysli" talk (oh how she makes her speech language pathologist mommy proud!). We have had so much fun celebrating Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years with her. When she was 8 weeks she got to start staying with her amazing Aunt Wendi and her cousins Luke and Kynli while I went back to work. I can't tell you how blessed I am to have such an awesome family who is helping us be the best parents we can be. It really does "take a village"! I thought I would struggle with going back to work for just a few days or weeks, but I still have my random days of sobbing when I drop her off. Wendi is fully aware that if she starts doing a "big life event" such as first words, walking, etc., she is to stop it immediately. If a first step occurs later on down the road, its the only time I give her full permission to give her a slight push/nudge. Paysli and Kynli have already shown signs of being best buds. Kynli seems to seek out Paysli and tries to get to her. Paysli also adores Luke, who keeps Paysli fully entertained throughout his busy day of jumping, climbing, and just being a boy (he is a little over two so there is never a dull moment in his world!). Luke calls Paysli "Kati's baby" and I'm told becomes very concerned when Paysli is upset.

Unfortunately Paysli experienced her first round of those dreaded things called ear infections. Wendi and I noticed she wasn't taking her bottles as usual (and she does not miss a bottle!) and tugging on her ears. Sure enough she had and ear infection in both ears. Poor baby! I told Tim that I wish I could take it from her... and sure enough I was sick a few days later. We both are better now. The latest developments include rolling over. We got a little concerned when we were hearing that other friends with babies around Paysli's age were rolling over and she wasn't (heaven forbid our child be a few weeks slower than others :) ). Well now Miss Paysli has decided she will practice her rolling over skills in the middle of the night and the wee hours of the morning. We knew we had something coming to us when we were blessed with a child that has slept through the night since she was just a few weeks old. I had a heart-to-heart with Paysli this morning and told her that I am proud of her for rolling over, I apologize for talking about how those other babies were better than her in the rolling department, but it's time to stop showing off. We will see tonight how receptive she was to our little talk. Paysli also seems to be able to recognize Tim and I, as well as other close family members versus strangers. It really is so neat to watch them turn into little people.
In other family news, Tim is working on his Master's in Education Administration in all his spare time. I am so proud of him. He somehow juggles it all so well with a smile on his face! He is coaching/teaching, coaching select baseball, working on his Master's, and being an amazing daddy and husband! How am I so blessed?!?

God has really blessed us all our lives, but especially within the last several months. Tim and I are thankful we put our trust in Him and let our family be guided by His will. There is not a day that goes by I don't look at Paysli and praise Him for giving us this precious little girl. We went through a lot to get our baby girl, but oh how we would do it all over again in a second. One night while we were praying with Paysli, Tim started praying for our two sweet babies we lost through miscarriages and thanked God for "Our Little Fighter" he has blessed us with. The past few years of our journey in having a child quickly played through my head. Then what an amazing moment it was to say  "Amen" and open my eyes to see Paysli. Glory be to God!

Romans 12:12

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."(Romans 12:12) This has been our prayer for the past year and a half, and we are so blessed for a gracious loving God. We are happy to be able to say that PAYSLI FAITH MATTHEWS IS HERE!!! Wow, what a long exhausting journey but one we are gracious for! Paysli Faith Matthews was born Friday, September 2nd, 2011. She weighed 8 lbs 10 oz and was 21.75 inches long. Tim and I are so in love and obsessed with Miss Paysli.

Paysli is now three weeks old and oh how much we have learned! We have had several days and long nights of learning how to care for a baby. I must admit, we were pretty terrified of learning how to care for a newborn, but we love it. Yes, even when we are sleep deprived or clueless about what to do, we still love it. The first few days we were blessed with amazing nurses. It is funny to think back to the first feeding, diaper change, etc. We were so nervous and probably looked pretty ridiculous caring for our daughter. I had to learn to not freak out every time she cried. Yes, babies cry... and it's okay! For Tim, he would constantly tell himself out loud "okay, just go for it" when diving into a diaper change, feeding, or burping. By our second day in the hospital, Tim was ready to go home and take on the challenge on our own. I on the other hand, was still in shock that we would be taking this precious little human-being home and be completely responsible for her. Tim and I had several entertaining conversations in the hospital where we would remind each other that yes this is our child, no we are not babysitting for someone, and she would be our daughter FOREVER. By the end of the first week there was a HUGE transformation in our care taking skills and we knew we would be great parents.






















The second week I took on the role of being at home with Paysli completely by myself. After the first day, I realized how great of a baby I had (of course I'm alittle biased). My family and friends had joked while I was pregnant, that our soon to be daughter would probably be quite a handful. Between Tim being ADHD and me never being much of a sleeper, we had envisioned Paysli being up all hours of the day and night and having a strong personality from day one. My first day alone with her she proved to be much much different than we ever expected. Paysli definitely loves her sleep. So much so, I constantly poke at her throughout the day to make sure she is okay. She displays a pretty laid back personality. She loves being held, being put down, on her back, on her tummy, in a swing, in her crib, and anywhere else her mommy tries to experiment with. She did seem to have her nights and days slightly mixed up, but we seemed to have fixed this issue within a week or so. The second week Paysli was sleeping all day, and from about 9 PM to 1 or 2 AM she would have her "party" as mommy and daddy called it. This was when she woke up to see the world... finally! As exhausted as we were during this time, we were  excited to see her eyes and her personality so we joined her party. At Paysli's 2 week appointment she was 9 1/2 lbs and 22.5 inches. Our little girl is growing up!

This past week, Paysli has woken up quite a bit. Before, she would wake up to eat and be changed and was back to sleep by the time I finished feeding and burping her. Now she is up for 30 minutes to an hour after most feedings, except for the ones at night. I feel like she is changing daily! I can't believe she is almost a month old.

Tim and I still continually remind each other that we are parents. I love watching Tim with Paysli. He loves his little girl! I constantly catch him just starring at her, praying over her, and yes having conversations with her about "not needing any boy except for her daddy". Tim has also been an amazing husband during this new adventure called parenting. Being a hormonal mess after birthing a child, he has turned my moments of crying into laughter. He always has the best jokes or reactions to stressful moments. My favorite moment this past month has to be when we gave Paysli her first sponge bath. At this point I had not gotten over the fear of Paysli crying... and she was letting us have it while bathing her. I was frantic while trying to clean her up and noticed her booty was a little red. Tim went to get the Butt Paste and was going to apply it. I was waiting frantically for Tim to apply it while I held her. I finally turned around wondering what my husband was doing and why he was so quiet and calm during this time of chaos... ummm Tim was reading the directions on how to apply the paste. Okay, maybe it's just me but the title of the product seems pretty self explanatory... Butt...Paste. I anxiously told him (I may have raised my voice) to hurry up. And he did. But he put a handful all over Paysli. Before I knew it, I was re-bathing Paysli due to the mass amount of Butt Paste all over our newborn. When I asked him what he was doing (my voice may have still been raised) he replied "the directions say to apply liberally". We both began to hysterically laugh as our one week old continued to scream at us. It is little moments like this one that we will always cherish and laugh about.

We cannot thank our friends and family enough over the past year and a half. We can't wait to tell Paysli about how many people  were praying for her before she was even on this earth.  Through all the hurt, sadness, doctor appointments, surgeries, medications, etc. we would not change a thing. We have learned so much about ourselves, our marriage, and our faith. We get goosebumps when we hear or read the prayer that our pastor prayed over us at our wedding.  "Father, grant them enough tears to keep them tender, enough hurts to keep them humble, and enough failure to keep their hands tightly clinched in Yours. Yet please oh God enough success to reassure them that You are their God and You walk faithfully with them." He is our God and He walks FAITHfully with us!